The Myth of the Superwoman
When I was growing up, there was a perfume commercial where a woman in a slinky blue dress sang about how she could “bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never let you forget you’re a man,” all because of her perfume (or so viewers were led to believe).
A not-so-subtle nod to the growing number of women in the 1980’s workplace, the commercial pushed the message that successful women could (and should) still be sexy. To my 10 year-old sensibilities, it worked. I wanted to be like that woman who somehow seemed to have it all, even though I had no idea what having it all actually meant. But now that I’m a bit older, I see a troubling subtext in that commercial–the idea that women must “do it all” and do it “all the time.” It’s bad enough that we are supposed to “have it all,” but the notion that women will pick up all the slack has become a cultural trope in America.
Calling a woman “superwoman” reinforces unrealistic expectations
A woman who does everything –and more– is often called, “ a superwoman,” and the connotation is intended to be positive. But have you ever heard a man referred to as a “superman” for picking up all the extra slack at work and at home? I haven’t either.
Who doesn’t love a superhero? I adored Wonder Woman when I was a little girl, and I even dressed up in Wonder Woman Underoos for Halloween one year (I am still wondering why my mom let me out of the house). But we need to stop the practice of calling women “superwomen.” Superheroes are not human; they are superhuman.
In a world already obsessed with squeezing every drop of productivity, constant comparing women to superheroes reinforces the unrealistic expectations heaped on women. It sends the message that because women are willing to do it all, they should place everyone else’s needs above their own. After all, Wonder Woman doesn’t need to take a break, so why should you?
We call women superwomen because we need them to give everything of themselves for our broken system to function. If women don’t take on the extra tasks at work, who will? If they don’t pick up the slack at home, who else will? If they don’t do the unpaid volunteer work to keep our schools and PTAs running who will?
Most often, women have selflessly stepped into these roles, and they are touted as “superwomen” when they manage an ever-expanding to-do list. However, there is a natural limit to what any human being can absorb, and constantly invoking the image of the “superwoman” sends the message that doing more than what one can reasonably bear is the norm. It shouldn’t be.
It’s time to abandon the superhero imagery and talk about realistic expectations
You are not a superhero, I am not a superhero, and that is ok. Your colleagues do not need a tormented caped crusader to lead them–they need an empathetic, fallible colleague who strives for excellence. Your children do not need someone who can leap a tall building in a single bound–they need someone to care for them, love them, and guide them through this crazy life. And if you make it look too easy, you may inadvertently make them feel like they are doing something wrong when life isn’t as easy as you make it seem.
It’s fun to be compared to Wonder Woman, but it’s time to abandon the superhero imagery and set a more realistic standard for ourselves. We can’t give everything of ourselves all the time and maintain our productivity, much less our sanity.
You can hang up the superwoman cape
Here are some ways you can hang up your cape and start reclaiming time for yourself:
1. Get comfortable with uncomfortable silence.
In meetings, when administrative tasks are assigned, women are often the first to break the silence and volunteer to take on additional work. But what if you just sat back and waited for someone else to volunteer?
Often women are raised to be people pleasers, so we accept any extra responsibilities dangled in front of us. Sitting back and waiting for our colleagues to speak up might result in a more even distribution of these tasks across the team.
2. Set a “closing time” every night.
My unrealistic expectations of all I can accomplish spill over at home. Squeezing in just one more task before I sit down to relax means I often work until bedtime and sacrifice the opportunity to unwind. Ironically,squeezing in one more task does not make my life easier: doing one more load of laundry tonight means I will find another chore to fill the time tomorrow. Now I declare 9 p.m. my “closing time,” and my endless to-do list is ignored until the morning.
3. Trim your to-do list.
We live in a world where everything happens instantaneously, so it’s easy to convince ourselves that we need to send just one more email, run one more errand, draft one more report. But what is the physical and psychological cost of pushing ourselves to the limit day in and day out? Rein in your superwoman tendencies by reducing the size of your to-do list. Move a few items to tomorrow and see what happens. Chances are, no one will notice and you will have given yourself an essential break.
If you don’t take care of yourself, no one else will. As fun as it may be to don Wonder Woman’s cape at Halloween, do yourself a favor and retire the cape at work.