Why Working Mothers Don’t Want to Return to the Office
It is clear that many employees would prefer not to return to the office. Many of these happen to be working moms. It is equally clear that most employers feel differently and would like employees to return to the office for at least three days a week.
But instead of continuing to argue back and forth about the need for remote vs. in-person work, it is important to understand why so many working moms are digging in their heels about remote work (recognizing that some employees are more than happy to return to the office). Why are working moms so reluctant to return to the office?
The simple answer is that they have had enough. Women are being squeezed from both directions–they are being encouraged to have more children as the US birth rate is declining and they are being asked to return to the workforce to alleviate the ongoing labor shortage. Women are being asked to shoulder these multiple burdens with little to no policy or social support. It’s no wonder they are pushing back.
Many working moms do not want to return to the office because:
1. It is impossible to juggle work and school schedules.
School ends anywhere from 2:30-4:30 p.m., and the struggle for working parents since time immemorial is to figure out how to bridge the gap between school hours and work hours. Remote work was the immediate salve to that problem. Working parents with young children could be home when children arrive, sparing them the need to find after-school care.
2. They are sick of employers talking the talk but not walking the walk.
It has become trendy for workplaces to advertise that they are “family-friendly.” Corporate websites tout generous parental leave, but parenting needs don’t stop once maternity leave is over. Many working mothers are stigmatized because of their roles as caregivers, which means they get passed over for promotions at a much higher rate, even though they manage to maintain the same level of productivity as their co-workers. Getting side-eye from co-workers or a manager when you have to go pick up a child at school does not make working mothers feel welcome.
3. The invisible labor associated with child care is MIND-NUMBING.
Someone has to figure out how the children will get home from school every day and what they will do every day in the summer. EVERY day. Someone has to know all of the half-days and school holidays and plan for those as well. Most working parents start planning for the summer in February.
4. They are experiencing ridiculous levels of parental guilt.
Let’s get really crisp here. The rapidly escalating expectation of hands-on time that moms should spend with kids is unreasonable. Fifty years ago, stay-at-home moms spent less time on child care than working mothers do today. Yes, you read that correctly. The pressure to not only be involved, but also to be parent extraordinaire, is soul-crushing. Moms are responsible for finding and nurturing their kids talents and passions, and heaven forbid a child sit at home unstimulated for a day or two.
5. Moms do not have enough time. Cutting the commute helps.
Working from home spared employees commute time, which, depending on where you live, adds up to a substantial amount of extra time. Do you know what it feels like to be handed an extra hour per day when you have too much to do? It’s amazing.
I don’t begrudge employers for asking employees to come to the office. Not all jobs are amenable to remote work, and there are figures to suggest that remote work is not equally productive across fields.
What I do object to is the colossal unwillingness to address why the return to the office is so undesirable for many employees. Employers are trying to sweeten the deal by offering happy hours and other perks, but they are missing the point. If you have to drag someone kicking and screaming into the office, it is time to ask yourself what the root cause is.
This is not an exhaustive list, and there are myriad situations and reasons for employees to work at home. But if we are going to take a stab at solving the root problem, here is where we should start:
Think beyond remote vs. hybrid work.
What kind of part-time schedule might make sense in your industry? What about job sharing, or four-day workweeks, or 9-3 workdays–the options are endless if we start thinking beyond the standard 9-5 workweek.
Offer help with child care planning.
Employers who offer a service to help working parents identify and register for child care, activities, and summer camps would take a huge burden off employees’ shoulders, and I expect that they would be rewarded with higher levels of employee engagement and loyalty.
Create more off- and on-ramps.
Yes, working mothers and people with caregiving responsibilities might need to drop out of the workforce for a 6-month stint, maybe longer. Unfortunately, those who do so face the stigma of having dropped out of the workforce. Employers could overcome this challenge by expanding returnships to help parents ease into and out of the workplace.
Remove the caregiving stigma.
This is easier said than done, but culture starts with leadership. Leaders set the tone, and if they more openly embrace their family needs, they will help reduce the stigma associated with working mothers.
To overcome the return to office impasse, employers and employees must be willing to give. However, many working mothers have learned that the system is unwilling to bend for them, so it shouldn’t come as a surprise that they are unwilling to bend for it.
