Getting Real About Sick Children and Work
In my first week at a new job, just three days into new employee orientation, my daughter woke up in the middle of the night and started vomiting. As I groggily cleaned her up, I started panicking about what would happen in a few hours when it was time for me to go to work.
Unfortunately, my husband was out of town on a business trip and I didn’t have a babysitter, so my options were pretty limited.
I was absolutely terrified at the thought of calling my new boss in my first week on the job to tell her that I had to stay home with a sick child. I felt bad that my daughter was sick and guilty for worrying about what to do about work.
When childcare options are almost nonexistent
The next morning, the vomiting had stopped, but she wasn’t in the best shape. Given a choice, I would have kept her at home to rest and get over what I suspected was a stomach bug, but I didn’t think I had a choice. So I did what any rational mother would do.
I drove her to school and leveled with her teacher in the drop-off line.
“Kira is not feeling well,” I explained, “but I really need to go to work. If she feels worse or develops a fever, I will come pick her up right away. But if she is feeling a little drowsy, could she rest at the nurse’s office?”
My rationale at the time was that it would be better to show up at work and get called by the school than to not show up at all, but in hindsight, that seems like pretty shoddy logic. The teacher must have thought so, too, because she looked like I had just asked her for a kidney, but I took her silence as tacit agreement and quickly sped off before she could protest.
This was not my proudest moment as a parent. In those rushed moments of figuring out what to do, I wondered if this was a sign from the universe that I should not go back to work. But as I look back on that day, what I remember most is the desperation I felt, and I know that millions of working parents feel that sense of desperation every day.
Working parents are often forced to make difficult decisions
Every parent has a story like this. Every parent has had to make an uncomfortable decision about sending their sick child to school when childcare arrangements suddenly fall through. These are moments of vulnerability that expose what a fragile deck of cards most of our childcare arrangements are.
In America’s always-on, 24/7 work culture, taking time off to care for a sick child or an ailing parent is often interpreted as a lack of commitment to one’s job, no matter how strong the employee is. The American workplace demands complete attention, and it remains an unforgiving place for employees who do not have robust support systems.
Changing the way we think about work
The long-term solution to this problem is to change the way we think about work. Currently, we are operating with an outdated vision of work that assumes a single breadwinner family in which one partner stays at home and the other goes to work. In most American families, both parents work, yet our workplace policies penalize employees who ask for flexibility, whatever the form.
As a society, we must develop new standards for performance evaluation and promotion, as well as new patterns of work and career progression, that reflect the needs of employees and employers.
But in the meantime, there are things you can do to minimize the career impact of this all-too-common scenario. Even though remote work is more prevalent than it was before the pandemic, it is still the exception rather than the norm and many employers are scrambling to get back to in-person work. Here are four things you can do to reduce the likelihood of being in the same situation I was:
4 Tips to crisis-proof your work-life balance
Always have a contingency plan.
I didn’t. I felt so busy and overwhelmed, I just hoped that everything would work out. For those days when you have a high-stakes meeting or presentation, have a back-up plan ready. For instance, if you have grandparents closeby, see if they might be willing to be on standby. If you have a partner, try to coordinate calendars to ensure that you can back one another up on important dates. The very worst time to figure out what to do is the day of an important presentation.
2. Find out how your employer can help.
Some employers offer back-up child care for these situations. In some cases, a child care provider will come to your home, or you can drop the child off at a licensed daycare center. However, drop-off programs often require paperwork, so do the research before you are in a pinch.
3. Back up your teammates so they will do the same for you.
If you volunteer to be a back-up for a teammate, they will be more likely to return the favor. Depending on your team, you can build a culture of support in which you stand in for one another when there is a minor (or major) emergency.
4. Try to keep it in perspective.
There will be a time when you will miss an important meeting or presentation because you are sick or there is a family emergency. It’s part of being human, and people will understand.
