The Day I Hit a FedEx Truck
Don’t get jealous, but that mini-van in the picture is mine. I try to keep it to myself because I don’t want to seem unrelatable, especially since it is such a memorable beige/gold/silver color. Did I mention it is a Toyota?
If you look closely, you’ll see a scrape on the side of the bumper, and if you look even more closely, you’ll see some scratches on the rear brake light. Those did not come with the car; they had to be–ahem–earned.
One morning in January, I was buried in work, trying to finish a report that needed to be done by 2:00 that afternoon. As a consultant, I worked from home before it was cool, so I was heads-down in my home office when my older daughter started texting me about forms that I needed to turn in right away. She had just been offered admission to her dream college and apparently, the reward for that was to make her hapless parents submit even more paperwork.
Around noon, my son’s school called to report that someone had spilled yogurt on him during lunch and he needed someone to bring a new set of clothes. I was already feeling crunched, and it seemed like the universe was conspiring to prevent me from completing any work. I felt frustrated, and I could feel my stress level rise as I grabbed a spare set of clothes and raced towards the garage, sputtering all sorts of words that I shouldn’t repeat here.
I got into my car and tore up the driveway, whereupon I heard (and felt) a thud. Not a crash, thank goodness, but a thud, like my car had bumped into something. When I looked in my rearview mirror, I saw the familiar FedEx logo. I had backed into a FedEx truck parked at the top of my driveway.
I opened the car door slowly, afraid to see the damage and relieved to see that bumpers are a lot more resilient than I thought. But my relief quickly turned to shock when I realized how bad the situation could have been.
I have deliberately left the damage on the car. I use it as a reminder to myself of what can happen when I let too many emails and phone calls send me into a frenzy. It is a daily reminder of the importance of guarding my calm.
Sometimes work-life balance feels like constant chaos and frenzy
Work-life balance can be a misleading term because it is entirely possible to be overloaded with both. We often think of it as a tension between what we should do (work) and what we want to do (life), but sometimes work and life are full of disagreeable tasks and we feel overwhelmed by all of it.
In talking with women, I have heard many feel overwhelmed, pure and simple, and it’s not just because of too much work or too many personal demands. They feel like too many people are asking too much of them, and it creates a perpetual sense of chaos and frenzy. Sound familiar?
Make choices that “guard your calm”
This is why one of the most important things you can do is guard your calm.
Start treating your sense of calm as if it were a fragile item that must be fiercely protected. I know myself well enough to realize that instead of jumping straight into the car, I should have taken a minute to calm down.
Nothing terrible was going to happen to my son if he wore yogurt-soiled pants for an extra five minutes. My daughter’s offer of admission was not going to be rescinded if I did not turn everything in right away. And the work deadline was important, but I could have easily talked to my business partner and adjusted it.
I had the choice to stay calm or get worked up. I chose poorly. Now, every time I feel that way, I think about my bumper.
Three ways to “guard your calm”
Those kinds of days are inevitable, despite our best intentions and back-up plans. Here are some tips to guard your calm the next time you feel it slipping away:
Know Your Tipping Point.
I didn’t pay attention to the signs, even though they were staring me in the face. I could feel my blood pressure rising along with my frustration as I raced to the car. Even if the FedEx truck hadn’t been in my way, driving in such an agitated state is dangerous for me as well as everyone else on the road.
Now, I watch for those moments when I feel like everyone wants something from me. I have learned to talk myself down from the ledge before I jump off.
2. Stop. Literally.
If it works for toddlers, it should work for fully-grown adults, right? It seems like the most counterintuitive advice in the world and like the last thing you want to do when you feel like you are overburdened, but it might be the single most important thing you do. Your judgment is clouded when you get stuck in the overworked echo chamber in your head, and you genuinely start to believe that everything has to be done right now. It doesn’t. Sometimes you need to remove yourself from the situation to remember that.
There are always ways to creatively address your to-do list by adjusting expectations (your own as well as others), asking for grace (something perfectionists hate to do), and taking a deep breath. When you fall into a panicked mindset, you lose perspective and can’t always see a sensible path forward.
3. Change your self-talk.
When I was potty-training our 3 month old puppy and he rang his potty bell to go outside for about the hundredth time one morning, I stood outside in the hot Texas sun lecturing him about how I don’t have time for this. Not surprisingly, he was unmoved by my lecture, but I realized how much I was working myself up into an even greater tizzy by constantly reminding myself that I don’t have enough time.
I’ve since adopted a new mantra: I tell myself that there is enough time for me to do what I need to do. Thoughts shape our actions, so if I believe that there is not enough time, I will behave in a way consistent with that belief.
While it is true that thoughts can’t change the space-time continuum, staying positive helps me keep an open mind about how I could approach tasks differently or more efficiently.
Keep in mind that even the most balanced, fulfilled people have bad days, so don’t be too hard on yourself. At least you didn’t hit a FedEx truck.
